The Inflation Reduction Act Does Not Work — At Least Not in New York City

The President and his administration have worked tirelessly to fight inflation. Nothing has been left untouched. Groceries are scrutinized. Disneyland ticket prices are bravely stared down. Pickup trucks are… emotionally supported.

And yet, somehow, New York City slipped through the cracks.

Because inflation, as any New Yorker knows, is supposed to go down. Less of things. Fewer of them. Smaller quantities. Reduced experiences.

Take the Times Square Ball Drop. For decades, this was a beautifully contained, once-a-year, 30-second event. A single ball. A single drop. A single moment of collective frostbite-induced unity. People arrived at 10 a.m., armed with thermal underwear, diapers, and questionable homemade Glühwein, just to witness history happen at midnight.

Simple. Elegant. Deflationary.

And now? Now we’re getting more ball drops.

Yes. You read that correctly. To celebrate America’s 250th birthday, New Year’s Eve 2025/2026 will feature a patriotic red-white-and-blue ball. Fine. Acceptable. But then—because restraint is apparently un-American—we’re also getting a second, bonus ball drop on July 4th.

Two drops. Same ball. Same city. Same crowd-management nightmares.

This is not inflation reduction. This is ball drop expansion.

The event will, of course, include dazzling lights, music, confetti, the iconic Waterford Crystal ball, global livestreams, and—presumably—real-time monitoring by robots, aliens, and whatever AI currently runs the simulation we live in.

So let’s stop pretending. Why not make it a daily drop?

Why not allow viewers to buy personalized ball-drop experiences, the same way we already rent out the Empire State Building colors? Pick your theme. Pick your playlist. Pick your emotional closure moment.

More democracy. More revenue. More balls.

After all, this is the city that never sleeps.
And apparently, never stops dropping things.